…and reposted again! Actually, this is from Fall 2007, meaning that it actually predates this website. But I love it so much that I just can’t quit it. Also, check out the bonus comment from my mother that I have included at the end for your edification. Yes, despite all my protests, my mother HAS read this website. Once. While I was standing there. And even then, only because she knew it made me uncomfortable.
Happy White Trash Thanksgiving
November 27, 2008
I’m going to be at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, which means that the Internet is…primitive, and chances for posting will be minimal. Ergo, I’m reposting the entry I made last year, back when I was still a vegetarian and savaged Tofurkey while the rest of my family savaged the real thing. Enjoy!
For those of you not in the know, I’m a cracker. Seriously, when I was in the fifth grade this little kid informed me that he was a “black-eyed pea,” and that I was a “cracker.” Which I was totally okay with, because at that stage in life I didn’t have much experience with beans, but I knew what a fucking Ritz was. And I also knew that they were delicious.
For the record, I have never learned to enjoy black-eyed peas, but I love black, kidney, and pinto beans with all my heart. Just so’s you don’t think I’m racist, here.
But anyway, I’m a whitey McWhiterson from Whitesville, North Carolina, and while I feel that my Italian-ness somewhat mitigates all that Wonderbread and mayonnaise whiteness, every once in awhile I just have to face the fact that I? Am a motherfucking honky. And nothing makes me face that fact faster than a visit home with my family for a major federal holiday.
Because nothing makes you realize how white trash you are like having your parents try to force you to look at a dead animal.