DISCLAIMER: I’m not writing this to embarass anyone. I’m not writing this because I want to drag up anything or start anything. I’m writing this simply because it’s been on my mind for over a year now, and I need that brain space for other things. Like French military history. Or Snapple facts. Anyway. On with the show!
A long time ago, a blogger I respect put up a post about how a bunch of women in her scene were making asses of themselves—drinking too much, flashing their boobs whenever there was a camera within a fifty foot radius, you know the deal. And after she finished the litany of their misdeeds, she wrote, “You are fucking up my revolution.”
A lot of people wrote to congratulate her, to thank her for saying what they’d been thinking but hadn’t had the words to express. I didn’t write anything, because I was cowardly and because my thoughts were far from complimentary. They basically boiled down to: my revolution starts with not being held responsible for anyone else’s behavior simply because we both happen to be female.
My revolution starts with the idea that what another woman does, does not reflect well or badly on me simply because we are both women.
Does anyone ever go up to a white man and say, “Hey, that Dick Cheney is a real asshole. How do you think that reflects on white manhood? Aren’t you like, ashamed?”
No.
Okay, then why the fuck does one puking, boob-flashing twenty-year-old—or even a legion of puking, boob-flashing twenty-year-olds—supposedly have anything to do with me?
I love other women. I really do. I am proud to be a woman. I am happy to stand side by side with other women and try to make the world a better place. But part of making that world a better place is making sure everyone recognizes that women are not some undifferentiated mass with a hive mind. Part of making the world a better place is fighting for the ability to be seen as individuals. Part of making the world a better place means not giving in to the notion that woman = vagina, therefore multiple vaginas = community.
Women make up over half of the world’s population. We are young, old, and in between; we are part of every race, ethnicity, and religion in existence. I love other women, but I know better than to believe that we all have common goals or interests. A vagina is not a universal translator, people. The fact that we supposedly have the same plumbing (and really, a lot of the time we don’t) doesn’t mean that we have anything resembling the same experiences or worldviews; people recognize that about men. Why can’t they recognize that about us?
Oh, I forgot. We’re the Other. We’re the Other, and therefore not really people, not really individuals. We’re the Other, which automatically means we’re one undifferentiated mass. All alike, all the same, because why get to know people when you can just compartmentalize them?
I get that. That’s how power works. That’s how this hierarchy stays a hierarchy. I get that. But you know what? The first step to dismantling that hierarchy is to refuse to participate in it. The first way to destroy it is to reject it. And the first way to do that, is to recognize that you are not responsible for the actions of the other four billion or so women on this planet. And that anyone who tells you that you are is full of shit.
Finis
(PS: But seriously, wouldn’t it be awesome if vaginas actually WERE universal translators? Someone needs to work on that shit, stat.)
I dunno, I’m ashamed of being a white male when I read stuff like RaHoWa (Sorry, Racial Holy War, aka the worst and most f*cked up table top roleplaying game ever written).
…I did not need to know that such a thing existed, thanks.
Hmm..as a “trans” female, we really are “the other”, and the “community” has never been very inclusive anyway… so i and other “trans” women can sleep better knowing this “community” is not a true united front anyway, we really are individuals, and we are going to experience life in our own unique way regardless.
“this ‘community’ is not a true united front anyway, we really are individuals, and we are going to experience life in our own unique way regardless.”
Pretty much, yeah. And in the meantime, the idea of community can be used to hurt those who are perceived to be outside of it–or inside of it, for that matter.
I’m all for community, but too often it’s used as part of a divide and conquer strategy for those in power.
Ha, I’m imagining someone speaking Farsi into my vagina and hearing English echoed out. Someone really does need to get on that.
SEE? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE BOTH ENDLESS AND AWESOME.
“Does anyone ever go up to a white man and say, “Hey, that Dick Cheney is a real asshole. How do you think that reflects on white manhood? Aren’t you like, ashamed?”
No.”
Eh, yes. some do. (not re the big Dick specifically, but) I have been told that I as a mop (male of pinkness) should be ashamed that “we men” rape women, and causd all wars, and enslave everyone. (the tempus of the last statement is not a mistake. the fact that slavery is still practised in parts of africa and Asia was according to the speaker, my fault, by being nonpoc)
“Does anyone ever go up to a white man”
This is what I get for making generalized statements. Le sigh. Also for not more strictly editing things because of nanopamoblojobwhatsit. Double le sigh. Sorry for the blanket statement. Here’s what I really meant:
Individual white men are certainly held accountable for things that men as a group/white men as a group have done–but the difference that I was trying to get at is that y’all are being held accountable by the people on the margins. By women, by POC, etc. The rest of us? Are being held accountable by EVERYONE, including ourselves. It’s that difference that allows you to go, “WTF is wrong with you?” and move on with your life, but causes women and people in other maginalized groups to go, “Maybe the problem really is with us.”
For an expansion on these ideas, you can check out my earlier post “Feminists Annoy Me.” Spoiler: they don’t really.
Hope that made more sense…although given that I JUST WOKE UP, I have my doubts about that.
I’m not sure on that: I feel ashamed when I read about white supremacist groups and what not. As someone who still mostly identifies as Christian when I read about the latests stupidity involving creationism or moral panic is I feel embarrassed enough that in past I’ve claimed to be agnostic rather then be associated with the majority. No one else has ever held me accountable, but I feel guilt for what the rest of my majority has done.
thank you for your kind reply. Early in the morning I myself just sort of mumble and rake feebly with my clawlike paws… anyhoo:
We agree completely. I understand what you meant.
(And, since I am noble and saintlike, I will forego the petty nitpicking and not point out that you made a second blanket statement re everyone which might have been used by a slightly less buddhalike person to claim that since he do not hold you accountable in that way, clearly you were wrong.)
Thank you, oh buddhalike one. And since I am equally enlightened, I will not point out the typo in your last sentence.
Seriously, I won’t. Because it will amuse me more to watch you GO MAD TRYING TO FIND IT.
…that’s not very saintly of me, is it?
Wail! Woe is me! Woe I say! Wail! I feel the madness come upon me! already I think that Ann coulter might not actually be satan incarnate! Woe!
Hang on, it’s supposed to be he does, not he do! Phew! That was close.
(Back to rubbing my belly for good luck)
I have a babel fish in my vagina, so it is a universal translator. Stop making generalizations. :-p
You’re right. You’re so right. God, what’s wrong with me?
I am an individual and I am not accountable for the independent actions of any other individual. The End.
…unless aliens come down and ask me to be a representative for all of humanity, then I TOTES VOLUNTEER!!!!!!!!!! Let me tell you all about the Federation, friends…
NERD.
Also, <3s.