21
I rented this without realizing it was a Kevin Spacey movie–which is a good thing, because if I had known? Let’s just say that my Spacey track record isn’t that great. Take a gander:
- American Beauty: Creepy and sanctimonious
- The Life of David Gale: Creepy and sanctimonious
- Pay It Forward: Simply sanctimonious
- The Usual Suspects: Good, but only because (for once) they didn’t let him play anyone creepy and sanctimonious.
21 wasn’t particularly creepy or even that much more sanctimonious than your typical Hollywood morality play; it was worse. It was boring. Not only was it boring–it was stupendously, unbelievably boring. And more than faintly ridiculous. From the moment the movie began with Jim Sturgess solemnly intoning, “Winner, winner, chicken dinner,” I knew we were in trouble. And boy, was I ever right.
So, the premise is this: Ben Campbell (Sturgess) is a smarty pants who’s majoring in pre-med at MIT; he wants to go to Haaaaaaaaaaavaaaaard Medical School, but needs a scholarship to cover the fees (frankly, who among us wouldn’t?). Ben’s smart and has a great resume, but it–and he–lack punch. When he talks to an official affiliated with the scholarship board at the beginning of the movie, Scholarship Dude gives him the hard truth: if they’re going to hand someone 300,000, that motherfucker’s gotta SHINE.
In other words: dance, monkey. DANCE.
Ben’s all sad, because he can’t dance doesn’t “dazzle.” And this is where the movie really fell apart, because it’s true: Sturgess is the blandest, most charisma-less actor I have ever seen in a major studio movie. I certainly didn’t want to give him 300,000 dollars, and this is the guy I’m supposed to be identifying with? Shit.
Anyway, Ben needs money, but he’s boring, blah blah blah, way too much exposition, and then! Kevin Spacey is a math professor who runs a secret team of blackjack scam artists! And he wants Ben to join! Because Ben is smarter than Isaac Newton! And then we spend the rest of the movie watching Ben and Kate Bosworth try to pretend that they have chemistry. Seriously, y’all, it was like watching two sloths trying to mate: snoozeville. Occasionally Aaron Yoo would walk around stealing shit and generally giving off an air of “I’m too good for this movie–why am I stuck being the loopy sidekick again? Oh, wait. I forgot. BECAUSE I’M ASIAN.” Those minutes made the movie sort of bearable, except not; I mean, I love Aaron Yoo, but I’m starting to feel really, really sorry for him, and that’s totally harshing my buzz whenever I see him.
But I digress.
So first Ben’s all, “Noooo! I can’t join the team.” But then he realizes that money is nice, so he does. And then he becomes their best player (of course), but then he gets too big for his britches and loses all their money one weekend (of course), and Kevin Spacey is just like, “You are under the mistaken impression that I give a shit about any of you. GIVE ME MONEY BACK, BITCH.” And then…I just fast-forwarded, because let’s face it: I knew exactly what was going to happen. Ben was going to go out on his own, win some money, and then get it all taken from him by the big black enforcer guy played by Laurence Fishburne (Laurence! Great to see ya! Except, kinda wish it had been under better circumstances…). And yea verily, when I got to the end of the DVD? THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
I AM AMAZING…ly good at discerning the TOTALLY OBVIOUS.
In conclusion: I should have known better than to rent this, since it got slammed before it ever debuted for being whitewashed. And yet, I still Went There. Why? Dunno. I was bored. I like blackjack. IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME, OKAY?
Okay.
Recommended for: Oh god, don’t even joke.
I must step in and say, while it does sound like this movie sucked a big one, American Beauty and The Usual Suspects are freaking fantastic. I also really really liked K-PAX, even though that’s not freaking fantastic (I can acknowledge the difference between personal preference and actual quality).
American Beauty was uncomfortable, but it’s supposed to be: those people were fucked up, and that’s what’s behind most suburban doors. Was it verging on pretentious art film? Yeah. But that’s ok.
Kevin Spacey is a pretty damn fine actor, but for reasons unclear to me, they keep hiring him to be in shitty movies playing shitty parts (see Superman).
Kevin Spacey is indeed an amazing actor, but I’m sorry: I hated American Beauty. I get what they were going for, but I think they got tripped up by their own sexism so much that the critique was hopelessly flawed. For example, the very end, where Kevin Spacey switches from predatory to paternal once he realizes that Mena Suvari’s character is actually a virgin? I get what they were going for–”I can’t do this, she’s just a kid”–but ladies and gents, she would still have been a kid if she had, in fact, fucked everyone she claimed to have. Whether she was “experienced” or not, she still wouldn’t have been an appropriate sexual partner for him, and it really pissed me off that they put it in terms of “but she’s actually a viiiiiiiiiirgin.” They could have accomplished the same thing by having her behave childishly right before the act–hell, all she had to say was, “I gotta get home before ten, because I have a math test tomorrow” and it *should* have had the same effect on his libido. But no. They did that whole virgin/whore bullshit, and it’s like guys: you’re missing the point. Either way, she is STILL SIXTEEN and THIS IS STILL GROSS.
Ahem.
As for Spacey’s acting abilities: he’s amazing, but I’ve pretty much lost patience with him. I don’t know why, but he seems to be almost completely unable to pick a vehicle that doesn’t suck. I don’t get it, honestly–he claims that he doesn’t pick these things for political reasons, so what the hell’s the attraction? It’s not like they’re such amazing characters that HE MUST PLAY THEM OR DIE. By this point, I feel the same way about him that I do about Angelina Jolie, frankly: I think she’s an incredible talent, but she’s been very upfront about the fact that she’s choosing these roles because they fit her schedule and her mood at the moment. And that’s bully for her, but it does mean that I don’t see but one out of four of her movies because I know I can’t trust her taste in scripts.